Edward's Very HumanLike Birthday
by wanderlustlights
Summary: It's Edward's birthday!  Woot woot!  Sure, the rest of the family gets Edward presents, but... what will Bella get for him?  And why is Edward acting so strange?


**A/N: ** Okay, so I was just kind of bored, and though, "Oh, hey, what could I write about _now_…? -gasp- OMG. Edward's birthday is coming up! Like, tomorrow! Gah! Ooh, I'll write about him!!! Muahahahaha…" And so… here it is, Edward's birthday. Hope you like and enjoy…!

**DISCLAIMER:** This author cannot think of anything witty to say concerning her lack of ownership of the Twilight series and its characters. 2 bd 4 u. And me too, of course. lol

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**"****Edward's Very Human-Like Birthday****"**

**Bella's POV:**

I woke up to the sun beaming through my window. Granted, it wasn't very high in the sky like it should've been, but who cares?! It was _SUNNY…!_

I looked from my window to the place on my bed next to me which Edward was occupying. I smiled as I saw his hard-as-rock skin sparkle. His eyes were closed as he basked in the warmth of the sun, not to mention me, as I was right next to him. I stayed perfectly still, not wanting to disturb him and his pure happiness.

I stayed staring at him for as the minutes passed, just thinking about how much I didn't deserve him. He was so beautiful and I would never be anything but a human if he never got up the nerve to change me and be a man and just do it. Ugh. He could be so stubborn and frustrating sometimes. But then again, so was I, so maybe I shouldn't be one to talk.

Edward's eyes fluttered open moments later, revealing those gorgeous golden orbs of his, and his brows furrowed together in the slightest bit of anger. "Why didn't you tell me you were up?"

I laughed softly. He always got so _cute_ when he was angry. "I didn't want to disturb you. You just looked so… at peace for once." I smiled, trying to lighten his mood. I guess it worked, for he simply smiled back at me.

"I like the sun," he said, shrugging a little, and smiling sheepishly.

I gave him a soft kiss on the cheek and pulled back, still smiling. "By the way… happy one hundred and sixth, birthday boy." I smiled hugely, proud that I remembered his birthday; I usually don't remember dates that well. But, with Edward… well, let's just say that it would be wise to remember your vampire boyfriend's birthday, so that you can tease him later on.

Edward rolled his eyes at me, obviously annoyed. "Please. Don't remind me…"

I was confused. My eyebrows furrowed together, I decided to ask. "Why? What's so wrong about birthdays?"

He shook his head. "Not birthdays, per se… just mine. I'd rather not be reminded of my immortality and how I'm going to be stuck as a seventeen year old. It's just quite monotonous and annoying," he explained, rolling his eyes once again.

I sat up and hit his arm in annoyance, chiding him, a scowl on my face. "Oh come _on_, Edward. Don't be so dramatic. And you had _better_ not be a party pooper today," I warned, pointing a finger at him.

Edward stared at my finger for a moment before looking up at me from where he lay on my bed. "Why…?" he asked slowly, narrowing his eyes and sitting up with me so that he could look me in the eyes. "You… you don't have something planned, do you?"

"Yup," I clarified, smiling big once again. I gave him a deep kiss before roughly pulling away from him and getting up from the bed. He looked shocked as I did this, just staring after me. I took my bag of toiletries and a towel and walked into the hallway and then the bathroom, calling after me, "Stay. I'll be out in a little bit…! STAY," I repeated firmly.

I heard him slump down onto the bed, defeated. I think he knew that he was going to get what was coming to him anyways, so he might as well give up.

---

I came out of the bathroom a little while later to see Edward lying on the bed, pinching the bridge of his nose in agony. I wondered how long he'd been doing that for…

He sat up abruptly, scrambling to get off the bed. I thought vampires were supposed to be all graceful and everything…

He ran over and eagerly grabbed my arm, while I just stared at him, both surprised and confused at the same time. "Uh…"

"Come on, Bella, if we get there now, maybe we can get this whole thing over with even sooner," he attempted to persuade me, frantically nodding his head like he had ADHD or was on drugs or something. It was quite frightening, actually.

He didn't give me a chance to respond. Instead, he just leapt out of the bedroom window, landed gracefully on the ground outside my house, looked around to see if anyone was looking, placed me on his back, and started running. So much was going on at once that the whole thing made me dizzy.

We made it to his house in a matter of mere moments. Edward brought me from his back to his front so that he could cradle me in his arms. He opened the door to his home, and stopped dead in his tracks.

I jumped out of his arms so that I could step inside the door to inspect the work of Edward's family. "It looks _great_ in here, you guys…!" I smiled approvingly and turned back to look at Edward. There was a look of complete shock on that breathtaking face of his. I knew we'd really surprised him with the way that the house looked right now.

There were balloons and streamers all over the place, a table next to the wall, and presents and –you know it—a cake on top of that.

You could see the anger that was flaring, underneath his surprised expression.

I gave him a hopeful smile and went to kiss his cheek for the second time that morning.

He closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down. It seemed like Jasper helped him with that, since he immediately felt better, more serene.

"Now come on," I persuaded, bringing him further away from the doorway and into the actual room. He was kind of stumbling and had the funniest expression on his face, like he was… wait a second. My eyes practically bulged out of their sockets, as I realized that I'd seen that look before, on TV shows.

Edward looked like he was—you guessed it—drugged.

I burst out laughing, as did the rest of the family, and I looked over to Jasper, who was laughing the hardest and most out of them. I walked by him so he could give me a high five—except for in this case, it was low and to the side. I couldn't stifle the giggle that escaped my chest as we did it. Everything was going _exactly_ according to plan. I smiled in amusement and triumph.

I walked Edward over to the couch and sat him down, placing a party hat on his head, and pinning a button that said 'Hello, my name is Edward, and I'm the BIRTHDAY BOY!' to his orange and brown plaid dress shirt.

"Okay Edward," I addressed him, as if I were talking to a little kid, even though—truthfully—he was a hundred and six. "Time to blow out the candles, okay? And you gotta eat it, too, alright?"

Edward nodded his head slowly, eyes going all funky. I tried not to laugh and actually stay serious. It didn't work the greatest. I heard Alice snapping pictures from behind me and all other angles. I composed my face long enough to tell him what I was going to say in the first place. "Esme, the cake please?" I asked for politely, trying to hold back my laughter still.

Esme walked over, cake in hands, with the candles one, zero, and six all placed neatly atop it and lit. Edward saw her and smiled goofily up at her, kind of swaying back and forth. I tried to keep him still but it didn't really work the best; he still did it anyways.

We sang a chorus of the happy birthday song, while Carlisle ruffled his son's hair. Edward was smiling the whole while.

"Go on, Edward, blow out the candles," Esme prodded, using the same tone of voice that I did and leaning down. The rest of the Cullen family proceeded to whisper 'blow' randomly, trying to get him to do it.

Edward finally leaned forward just a little bit—so as not to fall over—and blew them out in one breath. He smiled proudly and pumped his arms at his side, happy with himself. Emmett had been standing behind Edward the whole time, leaning onto his shoulders just slightly. I guess he was so eager to see Edward actually _eat a cake_ that he leaned onto him even more, sending Edward's face plummeting right into the cake.

Everyone stared in shock—well, everyone except me, of course. All _I_ could do was sit next to him, laughing my head off. And—sad to say—a snort or two came out of my body, making everyone's' stares go from Edward to me.

The expression plastered on Edward's face was _priceless_. Underneath all the frosting you could see a still beautiful, still drugged-up Edward, with a confused look on his face. "Bel-la…?" Oh hey, he actually remembered who I was. Heh. Go figure…

I'd clamped my hand over my mouth, and just removed it now to speak. "Yes?" I asked, still giggling.

Silence.

One moment. Two moments. Three… Wow, it was taking him long to answer… Fo-

He perked up, smiling hugely, despite the cake and frosting that was all over him. "Bella!" he cried joyfully, leaping over and onto me, attempting to make out with me.

"Edward!" I squealed, fighting him off of me with all the strength I had. Oh gross. He'd gotten frosting all over my face. Well… I guess he'd gotten me to stop laughing.

I looked over at him to see his hurt look. Oh god. I didn't want him to be _hurt_…

"Edward…" I said slowly, smiling just a little. "You want your presents now, birthday boy?"

His eyes lit up like he'd just bought out the entire candy store and he nodded eagerly, smiling hugely.

The next five minutes of the day were spent with Edward opening his family's presents. Alice had bought him—who'd have guessed?—tons and tons of _clothes_. And then, Jasper was with her on presents, of course.

Honestly—and I'm not even kidding when I say this—Carlisle had to pick him—considering the fact that he certainly couldn't walk straight in his state—up and walk him up to his room, so that he could see in the closet of his bedroom all the clothes that Alice had gotten for him. Edward smiled hugely and leaned over Carlisle's arm to give his sister a hug.

Edward opened up Emmett and Rosalie's present next, a small rectangular box, which, when our beautiful birthday boy opened it, revealed a heavy gold chain necklace with a huge cursive 'E' for the pendant.

"Coollll!!!!!!!" Edward exclaimed when he saw it. He took it out of its box and put it on. "Yeeaahhh…!" he shouted, flashing us all ganster signs. Oh my god. My boyfriend is a _loser_. Especially when he's supposedly 'drugged' by his own empathetic brother.

Carlisle and Esme were next. They'd decided that Edward's car was too outdated and ended up buying him a brand new black 2007 Volvo S60 4-door Sedan with a sunroof, of all things. Honestly… who really needs a _sunroof_ when you live in the rainiest place in America?! Whatever.

When Edward went outside and saw it, he nearly flipped, ran over to it, and started screaming. "Like,ohmygod,youguysboughtmeanewcar!!!! Ahh!!! Can I drive it, daddy, can I?!" he asked excitedly, squeezing Carlisle's hands in his. Carlisle simply looked at him like he'd gone psycho but then realized—oh hey, he's acting like he's on drugs, why didn't I remember that earlier?—and then just smiled and said, "Umm, maybe later, son, okay?" He grabbed Edward's arm and took him away from his pretty new car and back towards the house. "You still have Bella's present to open, you know." He gave me a small smile and I returned it, nodding just a little.

Carlisle steered him back to the couch, sitting him down once again. When he made sure that he wasn't going to run away and try to find the keys so that he could drive off, Carlisle walked away, backing off just a bit.

I pulled out my present, which was in a green gift bag, and handed it to Edward. He rubbed his hands together in delight and grabbed it eagerly away from my hands. God he's greedy when he's drugged… Yikes.

He pulled out playboy magazines and a couple pairs of boxers, one black and silky with red hearts all over, and another with the Tasmanian Devil from Looney Toons on it. I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing when I saw that Jasper had let up on Edward's mood because he was laughing so much, making Edward shake out his drugged-like state. I could see the anger flaring on his face.

I got up from the couch frantically, Carlisle threw me the keys to Edward's new car—so that I could make my escape easily—and ran out the front door, yelling "Emmett's idea, not mine! Happy birthday, Edward!"

I jumped into the brand new black Volvo, starting the engine, and driving off back toward my house, making it there in only a few minutes—since I was so damn scared of what he would do to me later on.

After all, he'd have to get his car _some_how…

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**A/N: **Okay guys. Umm… hope you liked. I think that this might've actually been a little better than the Carlisle Father's Day one from a few days ago. Umm… let me know what you think? Hahah, I sure had fun writing it, hope you liked it!

--jane.


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